Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine’s Day gifts from TUC


So it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re still without a present. Never fear, for TUC has plenty of ideas that will wow your lover and take it from us- the expense will completely hide the fact you weren’t planning this since last February. Let’s start off with the ladies:

1. A Grande Luxe Facial at Spa Radiance, San Francisco

Warm up the private jet for a day trip down to California, where your woman can enjoy 3 solid hours of face pampering. But this is no ordinary procedure! While other skin care experts may rub things like natural extracts and cleansing products, these professionals slap on a caviar mask, use a diamond peel, and offer a non-surgical facelift. Top it all off with Omega 6, protein, LED light therapy, and warm mitts and booties. Only $750 for the whole deal!

2. Frozen Haute Chocolate, Serendipity 3, New York

High-end desserts may come and go, but this one holds the Guinness World Record for being the most expensive. Blended from 28 of the best cocoas from around the world, it’s blended with 5 grams of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with the same.

But are you tired of throwing down money for a dessert only to be hungry an hour later? Well the pleasure continues with this dessert’s take-aways: an 18-karat gold and diamond bracelet, plus the golden spoon. When I say take-aways, I mean relaxed security. Only $25,000 to line your stomach with precious metals!
It's a little small- better get one for yourself too.        


For Him:

3. Chopard Super Ice Cube

Although this watch is a few years old, watches that look like ice cubes to an extent that makes it difficult to tell time never go out of style. This Swiss jeweler and watchmaker boasts over 100 years of experience, and they’re also the designer of the Golden Palm award from everyone’s favourite film festival, Cannes. Just over $1.2 million for 66 karats of diamonds. But watch out honey; if you buy him this watch, no one will be looking at you after!

4. iVIP Black iPhone App

This app caters only to “High Net Worth Individuals,” and if there’s one thing we love, it’s elitism. Spoil your man with this app to access exclusive goods and services such as private islands, helicopters, penthouses in New York and London, and racehorse ownership opportunities. Once he verifies his value, he’ll be able to show you a good time with all this vital information. The Black version is only $999.99, and if you get him the free Red version, it means you don’t love him.

For Both

5. Ty Warner Penthouse, Four Seasons, New York

Fly away for two to the closest decent hotel room around, at New York’s Four Seasons. It’s not the most expensive one, but you’ll get plenty of bang for your buck with nine rooms including a library with a grand piano, a hot tub overlooking Central Park, and a Zen room (yes of course it has a waterfall). What I really love here though is the 24/7 availability: full spa treatments, a personal trainer, and a butler are all included, and I assumed summoned by ringing some sort of tiny bells. Four Seasons knows exactly how to make me feel right at home.
TUC loves the high ceilings.

And the bathroom with a view out, but too high for a view in.

And a chandelier that could kill a man.

Bring your appetite. This room has 3 apples. That's over 2 apples!

Enjoy Valentine’s Day night for only $34,000. Then stay for the week. 

Happy Valentine's Day from The Upper Cruster.

Welcome to The Upper Cruster

          It’s a tough world for the modern aristocrat. There are numerous choices to face and important decisions to be made. For instance, how can you continue to use falcons for hunting purposes if they simply refuse to stop being endangered? How can you wisely invest the paltry $2 million in change left over from your yacht purchase? Which luxury sports car will look best parked in front of your summer mansion on the French Riviera?
    
          The Upper Cruster is here to help you make these decisions and more. This guidebook to life is the perfect companion whether you’re on a joyride in your private jet over the Sandwich Isles, or quietly reading in the study with a tulip glass of 64-year-old Macallan scotch.

          The Upper Cruster: if knowledge was money, this magazine would be worth almost as much as I am.
      
Yours in wealth and prosperity,

           Reginald Tort
Editor-In-Chief